9 Worst Videos of the 80s

Editor’s Note: After our post on some of the Worst Songs of the 80s, one of our readers suggested a similar look at music videos of that era. So we tee’d a few up. PS — some that don’t appear on this list may have already been covered in the aforementioned post.

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I’m of the generation that remembers how novel and exciting MTV was when they actually played videos. You could waste hours (which I did). Music videos were akin to the cover art/liner notes of albums that we used to pore over; they often added a depth of creative interpretation to a song, and they were just FUN. Think Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer, Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” A-Ha’s “Take On Me.”

But not all music videos were art. Nowhere near it. Some were hastily pumped out to give a new artist (or a floundering one) some traction. Budgets might be low with concepts cooked up by some dude on a drunken bender and a deadline. Viewing them all these years later brings a bit of nostalgia, like looking back at embarrassing prom pictures. But they remain just as mind-numbingly awful as they were upon the first viewing. In no particular order, here are nine of the worst music videos of the 80s.

ROCK ME TONITE, Billy Squire (1984)

Guitarist Billy Squire had a very respectable career with hits like “The Stroke” and “Everybody Wants You.” Then came this song. While it was the lead single from his platinum album, Signs of Life, and his biggest chart hit, the video became a huge joke. In fact, it’s widely considered responsible for tanking his career. For his part, Squire says director Kenny Ortega changed the original concept – but let’s just say it: pastel satin sheets are never a good idea.

PHYSICAL, Olivia Newton-John (1981)

She was the good girl from Grease, with a string of completely inoffensive hits behind her. The song was offered to Rod Stewart and Tina Turner before Olivia recorded it. Originally, she swore that she didn’t note the subtext of the lyrics (#sex), insisting she thought it was only about working out. And so, the video featured chubby guys transformed into oiled-up hunks gyrating around a leotard-clad Livvy. It’s a perfect slice of early 80s cheese and a harbinger of the fitness craze of that decade.

I RAN (SO FAR AWAY), A Flock of Seagulls (1982)

FOS perfectly summed up the wave of synthesizer-driven bands taking over the charts: they weren’t exactly skilled musicians, but they had a unique “look,” and with MTV, that was everything. Singer Mike Score’s weird hairstyle (that he created as a joke) and a set covered in reams of tin foil overshadowed the hypnotic track but made it unforgettable.

WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO, Wham (1984)

George Michael wanted to write a happy, upbeat song reminiscent of the pop hits of the 60s, and he did; it became their first #1. The video, on the other hand…Drenched in cotton-candy colors, the joy was overshadowed by George and Andrew wearing their own laughably short, tight gym gear (Andrew admitted they didn’t have a clothing budget), although the “Choose Life” t-shirts by London designer Katherine Hamnett became iconic.

SEPARATE WAYS, Journey (1983)

Up until then, Journey’s videos had been cobbled together from their electrifying live performances; this would be their first “concept” video. Big mistake. Singer Steve Perry wisely noted that they were musicians, not actors, but the record company insisted. So, we get lots of “Huh?” moments in the video, most notably one in which the entire band plays “air instruments.” Keyboardist Jonathan Cain says that fans still ask him about this cringe-worthy video.

LICK IT UP, Kiss (1983)

In the 70s, Kiss exploded on the scene with their mysterious makeup as a big part of their appeal. This video would be the first to show them in their, um, “natural state”; it was heavily hyped with a half-hour special on MTV. The guys said they needed to change direction, but by 1996, they’d done a U-turn and were back in the black leather, giant boots, and grease paint.

OBSESSION, Animotion (1984)

Michael des Barres co-wrote this song, which originally touched on his then-addiction to heroin. However, he tweaked the lyrics to reflect the head-spinning effects of romance. The song/video was performed by the L.A. group Animotion. Lead singers Bill Wadham and Astrid Plane stare blankly at the camera, interspersed with clips of them dressed as various characters. For being so seemingly obsessed, they sure don’t raise the heat above room temperature.

THE SAFETY DANCE, Men Without Hats (1983)

When this synth-heavy song first came out, there was lots of speculation about its meaning. Nuclear war? Safe sex? Singer Ivan Doroschuck finally revealed it stemmed from him having once been bounced from a club for doing the Pogo. So now you know. The song hit #1; the video, on the other hand, still makes little sense. Set at some pop-up Renaissance fair, with a variety of characters skipping and leaping about, it’s just…weird. Then again, they can dance if they want to.

PAC-MAN FEVER, Buckner & Garcia (1982)

These two songwriters got hooked on the wildly popular arcade game as they were recording jingles at an Atlanta studio. For a laugh, they quickly wrote and recorded a novelty song, but when a local station played it, it became an unexpected hit, reaching #9. Sadly, the video looked like it was made on a budget of quarters which could’ve been better spent on the game itself.

Honorable Mentions: Tiffany/”I Think We’re Alone Now” (1987), Debbie Gibson/”Electric Youth” (1989), Styx/”Mr. Roboto” (1983), Mick Jagger, David Bowie/”Dancing In the Streets” (1985), Hall and Oates/”Private Eyes” (1981).

There were so many cheesy videos in the 80s; which ones made you stare in horrified fascination? Share them in the comments!

-Cindy Grogan

Photo: Mike Score, A Flock of Seagulls (Getty Images)